Not Pregnant

So, that was what the EPT test read Wednesday morning. (I had called the nurse and she gave the o.k. to just do an EPT rather than coming in and spending all the extra money on the blood work. She did say that if I got a positive I would need to come in so that they could be sure everything was at the levels that they want to see them at, but if it was a negative then that was fine.)
I cried in the shower as I got ready for the day. Then as I was talking to mom, she was trying to make me feel better, Kevin overheard part of our conversation and he got really angry with me. He left for work while I was in the bathroom so I didn't get to talk to him and so now I was really upset because I am not pregnant and my husband is mad at me-but after being married for five years I knew better than to call him while he was angry because that wouldn't fix anything!!
I was too upset to head into work, and it had been slow this last week anyhow, so I decided to go vote and see how I felt after that. On my way out the door my wonderful neighbor Heidi was heading out to a Dr. appt. for her youngest daughter (they have had colds going aroud at their house) and she saw me and stopped as she was heading out. "Today is the day right?" she asked, and I basically started crying as I said it was a negative and she came over and gave me a great hug and talked to me for awhile and it really helped me feel better to know that someone cared so much!! I love my neighbors and I am so greatful to have Heidi, since all my sisters moved far away!!
So I called into work and said I was going to vote and would call them when I got done. I stood in line, outside in the cold & wind, for 1 1/2 hours while I waited to vote. I read a mystery book I had stuck in my purse and that was a good distraction from the reality of my life! I finaly got to the voting both, and then headed out in the cold again to go into work. The ENTIRE drive into work I was crying and mom called me and said that I should go up to her place. She was working on clearing out her bedroom and bathroom and that would be enough to keep me distracted until I was ready to talk. So I drove into work and made sure they had the paperwork they needed to put together the daily and left. I think I kept my eyes dry the whole time I was in the office so that was good. Then I drove up to mom's and only cried part of the time.
Once I got up to Adairsville I was cried out and ready to work. Mom gave me a big hug, asked if I wanted to talk-I said no and stared working. We worked the entire day on just her bathroom and bedroom (I guess it was around noon by the time I made it up there) and really cleared out a ton of trash and junk and made great improvement in at least those two rooms of the house. (Every room in the house really needs that kind of attention, so clearing out her house is an overwhelming project!!!)
By the end of the day I was ready to talk some, I saw how the stress of everything we have been going through, the past few months especially, was getting to both Kevin and I and we both just reacted to it differently. I was ready to go home, fix some dinner for Kevin (I don't cook, so I picked up a nice Chicken pot pie and stuck it in the oven when I got home), and move on with my life. We didn't talk about it that night (but he did thank me for dinner) and it wasn't until last night that Kevin gave me a big bear hug and told me it will all be o.k. and that God knows what he is doing, not to worry, etc. etc. (All the things I know are true, it still just really hurts!! I don't know if it is because I feel like a failure as a women or what.) Kevin can be such a sweetheart when he wants to be. He told me he doesn't look at me any differently even though I have this issue, and he knows that I will be a mother someday, and I am still young and not to worry. (Again, all things that I know, but although it is nice to hear him say he loves me no matter what, it doesn't really make me feel any better.) He even said he had found some stuff for me to read, but I said no thanks, I appreciate that he took time to look that up for me, but I just don't think that anything I read, or anything someone says is really going to make me feel better. I just have to keep on keeping on. I am taking it one minute at a time and getting through one day at a time, and I know everything is going to be o.k. Not only o.k. but wonderful, because I have a wonderful family, great friends and neighbors, a wonderful husband, and best of all an awesome God, so I know that everything will be great! I just might not be my chipper, happy self right now, but I know the real Emilee will be back soon-I am slowly seeing her come back each day!! (Wow, that is kinda wierd writing in third person!!)

No pictures, a big weekend, and a disappointing start to my work week!!

So I tried to upload some pictures from Mom and my trip to the Fox to see Wicked, but I was having a ton of issues, it was going really slow, and I was really tired so that didn't get accomplished! We did have a busy and fairly successful weekend though.
I got off work early on Friday and cleaned the house. Well, actually I just did a deep cleaning in the Mast bathroom and a basic cleaning in the other baths. I always feel better when the house is clean. I also went through all the things in my bathroom cabinet and cleared it out. I have really been into clearing out and organizing lately!
Saturday I went through my closet and dresser and pulled out my really summery clothes so I could put them away and make room for some sweaters and other fall clothing!! We went over to Kevin's mom's house on Saturday afternoon and Mom, dad, and the boys stopped by for a little while as well so Canaan could do some fishing. They didn't stay for long since the fish weren't really biting and dad was exhausted from his long trip. (Mom had literally just picked him up from the airport, he had been up for at least 48 hours on his journey home.) Saturday evening we met Skip & Kaitin and litter Eli for dinner at Fuddruckers. (Kevin's fav!) It was nice to catch up with them, we hadn't seen them since I think July! Little Eli was adorable and since I can't eat anything at Fuddruckers I was elected the baby holder and got to enjoy holding little Eli all evening!! (Side note: frustrating thing for the weekend-Larry was preaching about religion, as usual if he joins in the conversation at all, and I really got angry. Why can't I just say sure Larry and move on even if I don't agree, it would really keep the peace with the In-laws a bit better, but no, I have to say I don't agree and get him preaching even more. Kevin was laughing at me in the car when we left to go meet Skip and Kaitlin because I was so upset about it all, he is just like, "don't listen, just say sure Larry and let the conversation move on the something else." But, I can't seem to hold my tounge. I guess I need to work on that, it would be a lot easier, and more respectful of my elders, if I could just learn to nod my head and move the conversation along, even if I don't agree with a word he is saying. I am constantly being reminded of my failings!! I need a lot of work!!!)
Sunday I got up really early (for a weekend-I was up around 8 or 8:30). I just starting working some more on my organizing and clearing out and then was watching T.V. while I was eating my breakfast and not really paying attention to the time. Finally I heard Kevin call down that it was 10AM and I should probably start getting ready for church. So I finally looked at the clock at this point and see that it isn't 10AM it is 11AM! (The clock in the bedroom is a "smart clock" or something and since this used to be the time for daylight savings it had changed time!) So I run upstairs and start getting ready and make Kevin get out of bed (he had crawled back in for a few more minutes of sleep) and we try to get out the door as fast as we can, but by the time we got over near church it was already 11:45 and the last service starts at 11:30 so I said, never mind and we just went on into town center to the mall because Kevin needed to return some pants we had bought last week anyhow. (I hate walking into church late, 5 minutes I could do, but it would have been at least 20 by the time we got there and got parked!!) So we returned the pants and then went over to JC Penny and got two more pairs. (He needed some new dress pants for work.) In the afternoon we ran some other errands and then picked up some bushes and new mulch for our front beds and worked on that in the late afternoon evening. It was really a perfect day for yard work because it wasn't too hot or too cold!! Even though sometimes I am annoyed at all the rules of living in a neighborhood with an HOA, I am appreciative of the outcome. The yard really does look better now that it has the nice new mulch down!!
This morning I decided to try a pee-test just to see what it said and it was negative. So I have kinda been depressed all morning, but I don't want to give up yet because I think it is still early to try to tell and I know that you can get a fake negative. So I am going to try again tomorrow, as well as Wednesday. I am planning on calling the Dr. today and letting them know I won't be coming in unless I get a positive because I was looking at my finances and spending $180 on the bloodwork for them to tell me whether or not I am pregnant is just not really a good idea right now. If I get a positive on the pee test, then I will call and see what they suggest because I think they do like to check your progesterone levels and other things to be sure everything is good, and I could reason spending the money better if it was because I knew I was pregnant, but last month, when I got the negative result back, I was really depressed over it all, not just that I wasn't pregnant, but that I had just spent so much money (after the tons of money I had already spent with all the treatments) just for them to confirm that I was not pregnant!! I don't think I can do that again this month!! I will keep you posted on what happens though, after tomorrow and Wednesday, or if I talk to the Dr. and they say I need to wait even longer before I test or something.

Has is really only been a few days? (ramblings of what I have been up to since my IUI's)

It seems like my IUI's were forever ago. I guess it has just been a busy few days!!
Thursday night we had Chad & Lisa over for dinner while we watched the Florida State game. (Well, Lisa & I really just talked!) I love just hanging out! I can really be a homebody!! Going out is fun, but there is something so wonderful about the comfort of home!!
Friday it was rainy so it was slow all day at work, which made the day drag on, but Friday night it was girls night out! There was a shower for one of my neighbors (Joy-who is due next month-her third-Madison) at Melting Pot in Kennesaw. Even though I couldn't eat anything it was a ton of fun visiting with some of my great neighbors. I think I would really like to live out in the country, but if you have to live in a neighborhood, ours is a pretty great one to live in. We are pretty close, especially considering the fact that I am hardly ever home, yet I totally feel close to these great women when I am able to see them & visit with them!
It was a late night and then I woke up bright and early on Saturday morning and just spent the day trying to continue on my clean up, clear out and organize mode that I am in. Sometimes I feel like my house will never really be organized, but I am trying!! I don't understand why they build houses with so little storage space these days, especially since our generation is notorious for always buying more stuff!!! Saturday night we went down to the cookout our neighbors were doing in the commons area of our neighborhood. It was a fun visit, but I couldn't stay for long because I was FREEZING! It really got cold!! I love the cool weather of the Fall!! We watched SNL so that we could catch Gov. Palin, I heard this morning it was the best viewing numbers for SNL for 14 years!! Go Palin!!
Sunday Kevin and I went shopping at Town Center Mall. I really enjoyed shopping and hanging out with my hubby, we don't go shopping together that often (because I am a bargin shopper and take forever to make up my mind, he just wants to get in and get out!!) but we had a great time just being together! In the evening we met Mom, Betsy & the boys at Sweet Tomatos so that we could visit! My nephews are so adorable, Canaan told me that they pray every night for me to have a baby!! What a sweetheart!! After a great visit with them we went to Fuddruckers so Kevin could eat. (He doesn't eat at the "Rabbit Restaurant" because it doesn't have enough meat for him!)
This morning I was late for work because I did not want to get out of bed! It was chilly out and it was all nice & toasty under the feather blanket on our bed! (We pulled out our light feather blanket over the weekend, the really thick one normally doesn't get pulled out until Jan. when it really gets cold!) I love cool weather, yet I don't like being cold, so it's too bad you can't have one without the other!! Well, enough rambling for now. I am just trying to fill time until next Wednesday, I guess I will just have to continue to keep really busy!!

Round Two!

Well, really this is the 4th try at the IUI approach, because this is the third cycle with the specialist and this is the second IUI for this cycle, but we will say round two...ding ding!! And the match starts a second round, who will win, my anti-pregnancy body, or all the drugs and prayers trying to make it change it's mind!!

I woke up early and jumped into the shower and got ready to go as fast as I could. I was on a mission to get to the Dr. office within one hour of getting Kevin's "sample." I ended up literally running out of the door at approximately 6:48AM (seconds after sample retrieval). The office opens at 8, but she said they will have people in the office as early as 7:30 so it should be fine to get there a little early. (They wanted me there at 8, but I said if I left my house at 7, I wouldn't get there until 8:15 or so because that is just a horrible time for traffic. So the extra 12 minutes earlier in the morning was exactly what was needed-or maybe it was because I spent pretty much the entire trip praying that I could get through traffic fine and get there in time!!) So at just after 7:30 I was in the office looking for someone to hopefully be there so that I could get it turned in to the lab in time!! (After carefully carrying the cup through the parking lot and up the elevator next to my body-I had driven with it between my legs because it is supposed to stay as close to body temperature as possible, not too hot, not too cold. There wasn't much there and I was so worried I was going to mess it up somehow and we wouldn't be able to use it and my chances of getting pregnant would go down!!) I called back and thank the Lord a lady in a lab coat answered and said she could take it!! So I made it with 5 minutes to spare! (It was 7:43 by the time the lab actually got the sample!) When I asked about the sample size she said it isn't quantity but quality that matters. A single drop could have a billion and a whole jar could have none, so it all depends on the quality of the sample!
(Side note: Kevin and I were talking about the whole sample retrieval thing last night and he was so cute because he said it is so embarrassing when he is in the office, especially as he is leaving because everyone in the office and waiting room knows why he is there. He said it is like a walk of shame or something and he feels like everyone is staring at him!! I try to tell him that every other guy there has had to do the same thing, and all the women are going through it with their husbands, so they wouldn't be looking at him funny and it shouldn't be a big deal, but he said it doesn't make him feel any better. I love my guy-he acts so tough, but is really such a sensative guy!)

So after I turned that in and felt a huge relief that I had made it in time I had to wait for the receptionist to get in so that I could check out. I wasn't due into the office for my IUI until 10AM. However, due to where the office is located in Woodstock, trying to get to work and back again would have been pointless at this time of the morning due to traffic. I would have pretty much needed to turn around and come back to the Dr. office in 15-30 minutes after getting to work! So instead I just stayed in the Dr. office waiting room for 2 hours and read, knitted & waited for my turn. They ended up calling me in about 10-15 minutes early and at 9:54AM I got around another 90 million little guys to join the 95 million from yesterday on the quest to fertilize me!!!

Dr. Carpenter did the IUI this time, she has been the Dr. I have seen the most often for the ultra sounds, especially this cycle, but Dr. Hasty was the one that had done my first two IUI's and Dr. Toner did the one yesterday so this is the first one that Dr. Carpenter did. It is funny how it is the same thing, but they all do it a little differently, everyone has there own way of doing things-even though it is the exact same thing! She is so sweet and was like, "Emilee, you've got about 185 million in there, surely this is going to work this time!!"

At one point this morning, after I got to work, the office prayed over me because David had said they wanted to yesterday and I wasn't going to turn any prayers down!! Pretty much everyone I know is praying. Please, Please, God, let this work!! Whatever happens, I know it will be God's will, because I have so many people praying for me right now!! (I don't want to think about not getting pregnant, but I have to prepare myself so I don't lose it if it does turn out that way!) So, again, please keep the prayers coming, these next two weeks will be really unbareable if I don't have lots of help!!

I start the progesterone on Saturday night and go in to the Dr. office again on Wednesday 10/29 to see what happened!! Hopefully I don't go crazy before then!!

One down, one to go & what a great show!!

So we did the first IUI for this cycle this morning!!!! (Kevin turned in a good performance at 95 million this time-so a little down from last month (101 million), but since they say they only need 5 million to do the job, we have numbers on our side!!) I go in again tomorrow morning and do it all over again, and then hope and pray for the next two weeks that they worked!!! When I am doing the IUI I have to give Kevin's SSN-so that they make sure everything is going to the right place I guess- and I always forget it so I had to call & ask him. As he told me over the phone, I told the nurse. After he gave me the number (I don't know why I can't ever remember it, I used to be good at Memory as a child, but I have a horrible memory now!!) he said "Be sure you got it right, I don't want an Earl Jr.!" Too funny!! When the nurse came back with the Dr. and the catheter she showed me the cover where Kevin's name and social were clearly displayed so that I could rest assured that we had the right one. The Dr. looked at us funny so I explained it to him (I thought I had seen everyone that worked there already, but this Dr. was another new face for me!) and he chuckled but was serious about the fact that they would NOT be an open practice anymore if anything like that happened, so no worries!!

Now for yesterday evenings happenings....
Mom met me at work and we left around 4:30 because I had to stop at Harry's to pick up something to eat, and we wanted to get down into Atlanta early so that if we had any trouble with parking it wouldn't make us late, and we didn't want to have to sit in the worst part of Atlanta traffic for forever if we didn't have too!! We got down to the parking deck (which I had accidentally reserved & bought along with our tickets when I bought them online) at about 5:45. The show didn't start until 8 so that gave us plenty of time to walk around and find something to eat for mom. We threw everything we would need for the night into mom's purse and set off! We decided to just stop at the sandwich store right next to the parking deck, so that mom could eat on the cheap and we sat outside and enjoyed watching the downtown Atlanta people traffic. It made me think about my dreams of living in a big city. I am really more of a country girl, but I always thought it would be really fun to live downtown in a big city for just a couple of years. I think it would be fun to be able to walk to everything!! But, I guess I should have pursued that dream before I got married, because Kevin is a suburb kinda guy!! I ended up taking my shot in the bathroom at the restaurant since I needed to take it between 6-8 and it was right after 6 by this time. That was fun! I kinda felt like a drug addict or something though, since I have to use a needle to take one solution from a vial and mix it with another and then change to another needle and take the shot, along with the alcohol pads and drugs I take with dinner we had a drugstore in mom's purse!! It didn't hurt too bad, it did bleed a little bit, but since I was in a public restroom in downtown Atlanta, I was pretty proud of how smoothly it went!! (My stomach is really red and painful and itchy where I took my shot last night!! I have had an allergic reaction to something in the solution-it happened last month also-joy!) Hopefully it doesn't last so long this time, but at least I know I got the meds, since I bled a little when I took the shot!)
After dinner & the bathroom shot experience we walked on over to the Fox and were really early (they weren't even letting people into the theater yet!!) so we just visited and got some pictures. (I don't have the cord to upload them, but will try to get that done tonight.) When we did get in, we were of course pretty high in the upper section, but not all the way at the top. The seats were great overall, we had a great view of the entire stage, but we were to far away to see any faces. It was a pretty full house, and I know why. IT WAS ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!! We loved it!! I would recommend it to anyone! Everyone did a fantastic job and sounded wonderful!! The set was amazing! The props and costumes were wonderful! The actors were magnificent! It was really a great show!! Now I really want to read the book. I bought it the other day but hadn't had a chance to get around to it yet. It is going to be bumped up to the top of the pile for sure! I knew some things about the show, but not the exact details, so I was really excited to see how it all turned out! It was a late night though, we didn't get home until around 12:30AM!! So I am a bit tired today, but it was a great date night with mom!!

Wicked awesome!! It's IUI time again!

So the egg from Sunday has now grown to 18 and then I also had 2 or 3 smaller ones (around 11 & 13, so nothing to be concerned about multiples!!) So Dr. Carpenter (who it seems is usually on duty when I am there and I love her-she is so nice!) said it looks like I will give myself the HCG shot tonight and do 2 IUI's. They want to do one tomorrow morning and one on Thursday morning. They will let me know for sure when we get the results in from my blood work this afternoon!!! I am so excited!! Now I just have to break the news to Kevin that they want to do two IUI's. He will NOT be happy!! I know it will be expensive to do it twice, but at this point I think I am willing to do just about anything to up my chances!! Now is really the time to pray!! **I know that there are a lot of you out there praying for me and I REALLY appreciate it, no matter what happens I know that God will be glorified in this whole process! I want to be able to continue to praise Him for all that He does, whether I see it as good or bad, and with all of you with me in this, I am confidant He will give me the strength!!** (My mom told me the other day that she gave up chocolate while I was going through this cycle so that she would remember to pray for me all the time-because she is a chocoholic!! If I don't get pregnant this time it won't be for lack of prayers!!)

Also, fun news, tonight is when mom & I go to see Wicked at the Fox!! I am really excited about this! It has been a long time since I have been to the Fox and I have been wanting to see Wicked for awhile now. Kelsey & Mary-we will be thinking about you since I know y'all really want to see it as well!! I am sure we will have a blast! (The only hard thing is that I will most likely have to take my shot in the car tonight when we get down there, because if I do take the HCG shot tonight I am supposed to take it between 6-8 and the show starts at 8!! i

A little bit of growth!

So it looks like one egg is finally starting to grow! Woohoo! I will know more when they call with the blood work results this afternoon, but for now the Dr. is thinking I will go in again on Tuesday morning and then we will see if we are about ready for another IUI!! Please pray that it continues to grow. It was only at 15 (and another small one at 11) and I think they really like to see it in the 20's before I ovulate!! Thanks for all the prayers and keep them coming!! I know God works everything out in His own perfect timing, but I am also a firm beliver in the power of prayer!!

Side note: Our neighborhood had their Halloween Custome Parade and a movie night (Nightmare Before Christmas) last night and it was great. The costumed little ones were adorable!! We really had a great turn out. The weather was a little iffy (there were a few times I felt some sprinkles) but it turned out beautful and I think everyone had a great time!! God is so good!!

Blood work results

So, my estrogen level did go from 32 to 117 so it is enough of a jump that even though my eggs weren't growing yet, they want to closely watch me, so I am due in again on Sunday morning at 8AM at the Perimeter office to do the ultra sound and blood work again. I am so glad that my estrogen levels went up, but annoyed that they want me to come in so soon, it seems like this is going to be a waste of time & money, because if they haven't grown in the 3 days since I started the higher dose, why would they want me to come in only 2 days later? I guess they just want to be sure that they don't miss it, because then we have to start all over again, but I am starting to feel like tuition costs have gone up and they just need them paid off. (Kevin says that we are paying for the Doctors kid's education!) PLEASE PLEASE pray that this works this cycle!!! I know we can't afford to do it again for awhile, and I don't think even if we could afford it, I could handle the emotions. I am really getting frustrated-I feel like we are going in circles and getting no closer to the finish line here!! But, the levels have gone up, so there is the light at the end of the tunnel!! So, back to shots tonight and tomorrow and I will update again after the Dr. appt. on Sunday! I think I will be busy enough this weekend that I won' t have time to be too frustrated about it all, so that is a good thing as well!!!

What is going on? (Warning: Details are not for everyone)

This is the section you will want to skip if you don't want details about my Dr. appt:

So my Dr. appt. this morning was same old same old. I have the appointment schedule down....
Get called in, go back and get your arm stuck to draw some blood, then they send you to a room to empty your bladder, get nekked from the waist down, and wait on a table for the Dr. to come in. You lay back in that horribly uncomfortable spread eagle position and the Dr. pushes a cold stick in you and pokes around to see what is going on in your overies. (Men, you really have it lucky! Although most of the time we women only have to do this once a year-it doesn't get easier the more you do it!!) I had a new Dr. this morning, he was actually really gentle compared to some I have had! I believe I have seen EVERYONE that works there now. (I have only seen "my doctor" in the examination room once!)

O.K. here is where you can start reading:

Now to the results...So it doesn't appear from the ultra sound that I am responding to the increased dosage of medicine. I won't know for sure until they call me this afternoon with my blood work results-to see if my estrogen level has gone up at all. But, for now, it really isn't looking good. I am really not surprised. I will never claim any knowledge of the human body besides the basic instinct you have about what is going on inside of you. I knew nothing was going on, because I haven't felt any different. (Just like I KNEW my back was broken in the car accident, I was telling them-my arm and back are broken, they have to run all these x-ray's etc. to be sure.) You just KNOW what is going on in your body-again only to a degree, I understand why they have to do all the tests because some things have the same symtoms, but very different cures. Like all that I went through when we were just finding out about my IC-that was an emotional, stressful, uncomfortable time as well!!

I guess if my E level has gone up then I will just keep taking the same amount for a few more days and they will see me back in the office again early next week, if not they will increase the dosage again and see me in next week. Which, by the way, I spoke too soon about being a pro at the whole shot thing. Last night it hurt the entire time! I am used to it hurting when I first poke it in, but normally it is fine once it breaks the skin and I start putting in the meds. I spoke to the nurse who was drawing my blood today about it and she said I may have been too close to nerve or something, becuase that can be really painful.

Wow, sometimes when I say something like that, complaining about a little shot that hurt, I wonder if I am really ready for this whole pregnancy and birth thing-but can you ever really be ready for that? Of course, I always say I handle the big things well, it is the little things that bother me. I have always been accident prone and have spent most of my life with something broken, or bruised or some new burn/scrape/scar on my body, so I am used to being hurt. However, when I stub my toe I think I am going to die-and mom always said contractions are like stubbing your toe-except of course worse and in a different area-so what am I thinking!! Here I am paying out the wasoo to have all these doctors poke me with needles and such as they try to get me pregnant so that I can then get fat and uncomfortable (pregnant) go through the worst pain in my life (birth) and now for the rest of my life have someone who is totally & completely dependent upon me for survival! I have got to say that every mother in the world sounds like a HERO and WONDER WOMAN right now. How do you do it, and why do I want to do it so badly? What is it inside of you that yearns for this with all of your being, even though when you think about it-it is like a POW camp in your own home?

Well, I am really negative today-normally I am always looking at the bright side! (Kevin normally takes care of the whole "negative outlook" in our marriage!) I guess that is what happens sometimes, I just don't normally have a place to right it down. Actually, now that it is off my chest I am feeling much better. I am remembering all the joys of life again and the sweet and wonderful moments that make any and all pain worthwhile! Without pain, would joy be so sweet?

Pictures

Here are some pictures from our dinner out on Saturday when we were up in Indy for the weekend!

Oh the joys of hormones

So, it appears my body is not responding to the Follistim this time. I have been taking the 50 unit dose since last Thursday and although my lining is looking nice, no eggs are growing and my Estrogen level hasn't gone up at all. (I guess I should have known since I haven't been out of temper or anything!!) So they said to up the dosage to 75 units and I am due back in again on Thursday. So now the question is how much more Follistim do I want to order? I just got in a 300 unit pen insert today, but that will only last 4 days now that I am taking 75 units, so I guess I will need to order more, especially since they charge for shipping when it is done on the weekends, so I will want more in before then!!

Well, I was tagged twice so here goes...

Goal: Answer questions with one word answers...is that possible???

1. Where is your cell phone?
Purse

2. Where is your significant other?
work

3. Your hair color?
brownish (sadly-I wish I could still say dirty blond, but I think it is official, I have poo colored hair!!)

4. Your mother?
Clone (well, I am her clone)

5. Your father?
thinker

6. Your favorite thing?
Everything (I know that is a cop out, but really how could I answer that question with a one word answer?)

7. Your dream last night?
forgotten

8. Your dream/goal?
motherhood (for this moment, I have a ton of dreams, but this is the most urgent on the list!)

9. The room you're in?
office (at work)

10. Your hobby?
impracticality (ha ha, I had to put that down because I tried making up a single word that would describe all artistic avenues and this was one of the words it gave me as to what I was trying to say-since it wasn't a real word that I had typed!-I have too many hobbies, sleeping, movie watching, any type of artistic craft, traveling (or dreaming of it), wedding planning, home improvement, etc, etc)

11. Your fear?
unknown

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
anywhere (as long as I am happy)

13. Where were you last night?
bed

14. What you're not?
pregnant

15. One of your wish-list items?
pregnancy

16. Where you grew up?
America

17. The last thing you did?
this

18. What are you wearing?
clothing

19. Your TV?
big

20. Your pet?
none

21. Your computer?
slow

22. Your mood?
good

23. Missing someone?
no (of course I miss anyone I love that I am not around at the moment, but I know I will see them again sometime, so I am not really a "missing someone" type of person)

24. Your car?
dirty

25. Something you're not wearing?
glasses (even though I always wanted to have them, I have been cursed/blessed with fabulous eyesight!)

26. Favorite store?
SuperTarget (I know that is two words, but it is one store, regular Target isn't the same thing!)

27. Your summer?
short

28. Love someone?
yes

29. Your favorite color?
many (I don't have just one, I love red/white/blue together-I think because I was born so near the 4th of July, I love all the colors of Fall, I like to wear white, black, & gray shirts with bluejeans)

30. When is the last time you laughed?
yesterday

31. Last time you cried?
shower (when my pregnancy test was negative)

On the road again!

I couldn't start another blog with the word "weekend" in it, because that is how every other one of my blogs starts!!! But, this is going to be all about our weekend!!!

Kevin and I drove up to Indy with mom & dad to visit G&G Binkley. It was basically 2 days in the car for 1 day of visiting, but it was a good trip overall. We left around 1 or so on Friday (after I got some meds delivered for this months baby-making try) and got in around 9:30. With all the time spent in the car I got in some good reading time (I am currently reading an Elizabeth Aston book, I love that author!!) and visiting with mom. We also made good use of my Nintedo DS and played "Are you smarter than a fifth grader." (Most of the time-with all four of us working together- we were, but sadly not everytime-some of those questions are hard!!) Since I am on my daily shots again, I actually took my shot in the car, I think I am becoming a pro at this whole thing! (But it does still hurt pretty much every time-no fun!!)

Saturday we just hung out with the grandparents & ran up to Whole Foods and Target. We were putting together the family calendar for next year and needed to get some pictures copied & Kevin needed something for his ear. (It was clogged up again, he has had that problem twice in the last year, I think it is from his bluetooth ear piece! It was so disgusting I almost threw up when he was talking about it, and mom thought it was cool! Kevin wonders how I am going to handle changing diapers if ear gunk grosses me out, but I think ear gunk is way worse for some reason. Ears & belly buttons have always grossed me out!) Saturday evening we met up with Dave (my dad's brother) and his wife Agie, and Steve (my mom's brother) and his wife Cheryl as well as Sarah (my cousin-Steve & Cheryl's daughter) and her husband Colin for dinner. It was a cool Italian restaurant with a fun atmosphere, I can't remember the name of it now, but I had never heard of it before. It was great being able to catch up with everyone. I love my family!

Sunday morning Kevin and I slept in while mom & dad went to the early service with G&G and then we loaded up the car and were on the road before 11AM. The trip home seemed to take forever, perhaps because we had just been in the car for forever on Friday, but again we talked, read, played more games, etc. and it wasn't so bad overall!! I was home in time for my shot on Sunday and I spent the rest of the night reading more of my book. (I should be able to finish it soon and pass it on to you mom!)

Now it is Monday and back to work! Fun times!! I didn't really want to get up and going this morning, something about Monday's) I go in for a Dr. appointment tomorrow so we will see what happens with that. I decided I would stick with what the Dr. said and I am only doing the 50 per shot, but I think I might add on more myself if we only have one or two slowly growing again! I will most likely write about how it all goes tomorrow!

More needles!!!

So all is go to start the shots again this month. I spoke to the Dr. about upping the dosage to see if that would get better results, and she said she was all for it until she saw my ovaries. I guess since I have so many follicles (eggs) in there (just none that grow) she doesn't want to risk getting too many because then they wouldn't do the IUI and wouldn't want Kevin and I to do it with out protection because you could get 4+ eggs growing and end up with "Emilee & Kevin plus Seven!!" I want a baby, and I could totally go for twins, or at least I think I could, but I don't know if I would ever recover something like that!! Plus, I may not have to order more of the Follistem this cycle if we don't up it, so what to do??? I think I will try the 50 like they told me to do, but if we aren't getting the results I want I will up it on my own! Oh, maybe I will just up it anyhow! I don't know, I don't want to waste this cycle by getting too many follicles growing, but I don't want to not get enough either!!! Well, I guess we will see what happens tonight. I am due back to the Dr. again on Tuesday (10/7) of next week, so I will know more then!

Here we go again....

So I started yesterday evening! (Nearly on time, I guess these drugs are getting me on a regular schedule at least, so that must mean something!) I have a Dr. appointment set up for tomorrow morning so that they can check me out and make sure all is go for another try this cycle. I have really been feeling ill all day. I have never really had bad cramping or been irritable when Aunt Flow comes to visit, but I am feeling her anger this time. I have been uncomfortable since yesterday and it has put me in a bad mood, so sorry for anyone who had to spend time with me, I know I wasn't very pleasant company! Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow, but again-if feeling like this means my cycle is getting more normal and I will maybe actually get pregers this time that will be A-OK with me. We are hoping I have enough Follistem left so that I don't have to order more of that. (Hopefully so because that was like seven or eight hundred dollars right there!) However, I do wonder if I want to insist on ordering more since we only had 2 eggs that responded last time and I don't think they ever really got big enough-my theory on why it didn't work last time! But, I don't want to spend the extra $$ if I don't have to either! I guess we will see what happens after the Dr. appt. in the morning!