Friday, October 10, 2008

What is going on? (Warning: Details are not for everyone)

This is the section you will want to skip if you don't want details about my Dr. appt:

So my Dr. appt. this morning was same old same old. I have the appointment schedule down....
Get called in, go back and get your arm stuck to draw some blood, then they send you to a room to empty your bladder, get nekked from the waist down, and wait on a table for the Dr. to come in. You lay back in that horribly uncomfortable spread eagle position and the Dr. pushes a cold stick in you and pokes around to see what is going on in your overies. (Men, you really have it lucky! Although most of the time we women only have to do this once a year-it doesn't get easier the more you do it!!) I had a new Dr. this morning, he was actually really gentle compared to some I have had! I believe I have seen EVERYONE that works there now. (I have only seen "my doctor" in the examination room once!)

O.K. here is where you can start reading:

Now to the results...So it doesn't appear from the ultra sound that I am responding to the increased dosage of medicine. I won't know for sure until they call me this afternoon with my blood work results-to see if my estrogen level has gone up at all. But, for now, it really isn't looking good. I am really not surprised. I will never claim any knowledge of the human body besides the basic instinct you have about what is going on inside of you. I knew nothing was going on, because I haven't felt any different. (Just like I KNEW my back was broken in the car accident, I was telling them-my arm and back are broken, they have to run all these x-ray's etc. to be sure.) You just KNOW what is going on in your body-again only to a degree, I understand why they have to do all the tests because some things have the same symtoms, but very different cures. Like all that I went through when we were just finding out about my IC-that was an emotional, stressful, uncomfortable time as well!!

I guess if my E level has gone up then I will just keep taking the same amount for a few more days and they will see me back in the office again early next week, if not they will increase the dosage again and see me in next week. Which, by the way, I spoke too soon about being a pro at the whole shot thing. Last night it hurt the entire time! I am used to it hurting when I first poke it in, but normally it is fine once it breaks the skin and I start putting in the meds. I spoke to the nurse who was drawing my blood today about it and she said I may have been too close to nerve or something, becuase that can be really painful.

Wow, sometimes when I say something like that, complaining about a little shot that hurt, I wonder if I am really ready for this whole pregnancy and birth thing-but can you ever really be ready for that? Of course, I always say I handle the big things well, it is the little things that bother me. I have always been accident prone and have spent most of my life with something broken, or bruised or some new burn/scrape/scar on my body, so I am used to being hurt. However, when I stub my toe I think I am going to die-and mom always said contractions are like stubbing your toe-except of course worse and in a different area-so what am I thinking!! Here I am paying out the wasoo to have all these doctors poke me with needles and such as they try to get me pregnant so that I can then get fat and uncomfortable (pregnant) go through the worst pain in my life (birth) and now for the rest of my life have someone who is totally & completely dependent upon me for survival! I have got to say that every mother in the world sounds like a HERO and WONDER WOMAN right now. How do you do it, and why do I want to do it so badly? What is it inside of you that yearns for this with all of your being, even though when you think about it-it is like a POW camp in your own home?

Well, I am really negative today-normally I am always looking at the bright side! (Kevin normally takes care of the whole "negative outlook" in our marriage!) I guess that is what happens sometimes, I just don't normally have a place to right it down. Actually, now that it is off my chest I am feeling much better. I am remembering all the joys of life again and the sweet and wonderful moments that make any and all pain worthwhile! Without pain, would joy be so sweet?


mom0ktdid said...

I always said I was NEVER going to have kids, that the whole painful childbirth thing was not for me. I have always had horrible "time of the month" pain, sickening, missing school kind of pain and I thought if it was anything like that I didn't want any part of it thank you very much I would adopt children. So...when you find out your are pregnant there isn't really a choice then, and I made it through. I still have a fit when I stub my toe or cut myself cooking..but it just isn't the same. There is an OUTCOME. I think that you are feeling the pain so strongly with taking your shots and all because you feel that there is no OUTCOME. When you finally get that outcome, all the pain and shots and invasion of your personal space will be worth it.
By the way, I had Noah with a completely WONDERFULLY affective epidural and he is 100% okay and smart child, so when the time comes, its okay to do what you think is right for you. I said after he was born that I could have one every year if it was that easy every time! I know that isn't a popular view with a lot of people, but boy I enjoyed it! Besides if you have twins or more, you will probably have a c-section anyway right? Then you get to schedule and not feel a thing (for the most part I've heard).

andysbethy said...

I just wanted to say that it is okay to be negative. That is sort of the point of having a blog. To get it off your chest. This is where you vent, express your feelings. Even the negative. Trust me. That is the whole reason I started a blog. I was crying, and needing someplace to talk about it.
So please, say what you feel. Kevin does not have a monopoly on negativity.
I do love the cheery, happy, "look on the bright side" Emilee too, though. You are allowed to be happy too. Both sides are allowed, no matter what is going on in your life. God listens to both, and sisters too!