So, now what to do.....First things first, thanks for everyone who has been praying for me. I know that is how I have been able to make it through these last few days without feeling too horrible! I wouldn't go so far as to say I am my normal bubbly self, but I am really doing good considering it all I think!!
I am still at a crossroads here trying to decide what the next step should be. Do we try the shots and IUI approach again, do we take a month off, do I switch jobs to something that offers insurance to cover infertility and try an IVF cycle? There are so many questions running through my mind right now, so I guess my prayer request is that I will be able to hear what the right answer is for this next step.
I think I really want to just jump right in and do the IUI again, I am young and fairly healthy overall, so surely this is going to work eventually, or am I just setting myself up for disappointment and wasting time and money trying this route, instead of going for the IVF. However, IVF doesn't always work either. One of my friends tried that 4 times and still didn't get pregnant. You also hear of so many instances where couples try this for years and then give up and get pregnant on there own. I don't know what to say when people say this. Are they saying you shouldn't try this, it will all come together when it is supposed to, or is it just that they don't know what to say? I think if you know you have a problem, and you know of a solution that Doctors have figured out works (even if not all the time) shouldn't you give it a try? I know that if it isn't supposed to work, it won't-but if this is the way I am supposed to get pregnant it will. I think everything happens for a reason, or that we can at least learn and grow from everything that happens to us. Maybe I am going to be able to use this experience to help someone else through the process as well. Or am I just telling myself what I want to hear, because I want to keep trying this, and really I am just wasting my time/money/emotions/efforts on someething that isn't going to work?!? Why is this all so cunfusing?
On a positive note I feel like I have really learned a ton about the human body (or at least the whole reproductive wonder world) while we have been going through this. I don't understand how any scientist, doctor, etc. could ever be an atheist because the human body is so complex and amazing, it could never just "happen" by chance. What a wonder it all is. In a way it makes you feel really special that all this works so perfectly to create life, then you get mad/sad cause it doesn't work for me, yet it works perfectly for the 15 year old who is messing around with her boyfriend in the back of a car-why?!?!? (Kevin keeps telling me we should have had sex before marriage because then we would have kids, and I tell him that is a silly idea, because not everyone who has sex before gets pregnant, and not everyone who doesn't has problems getting pregnant-I think he is just giving me a hard time!)
The whole thing really makes you question anyone who says they got pregnant when they only did it once, because their timing had to be perfect. Well, I guess there are a few days to play with-in a perfect environment inside a women sperm can live for 2-5 days (they don't get anywhere if the environment is hostile-which is apparently one of my problems!!) and normally ovulation takes 24-48 hours, so there isn't really a ton of time each month for the miracle to happen. Plus, it is interesting to know that when you actually get pregnant it might not be the day you had intercourse due to whenever it is that you are actually ovulating!
There is your science lesson for the day...pretty cool stuff isn't it!! It makes me want to learn more, but that would take time, and I have too many other things to think about! I don't know if I will be a home school mom or not, but all this really makes you want to be one, so you can learn about the amazing world around us (and inside us) all over again!! I think I would really have fun being a home school mom, but then again, I don't think I would want to be responsible for teaching some subjects, so maybe I will just be a part of the PTA! (See my hope here, I know I will be a mom eventually!!)
Side note: Mom and I had some fun with retail therapy over the weekend while Kevin worked on mom & dad's floors (quarter round and transition boards). I got some cute new shirts and then some great baby gifts! -I have a ton of baby showers coming up-everyone is pregnant!!-
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Back to the drawing board (or should I say Dr. table)
Well, It was negative! I guess I knew it was going to be negative, I feel like God was preparing me for a negative result for the last few days. I also took an at home pregnancy test last night and it was negative. I cried in the shower before bed, but thought "Hey, it could be wrong." But it was negative the official results are in...so it is back to the beginning again.
The next question is whether we want to try it all over again this next cycle, or take some time off. In a way I really want to do it again right away, but then I don't know if I could really handle all the emotions again so quick. Trying to get pregnant is emotional enough in itself, then you add in the fact that you are paying someone a TON of money to torture you and draw your blood make you drive all over town to different Dr. offices for early morning appointments (in Atlanta traffic, with a gas shortage issue) and you really start thinking you might go crazy!! (Or maybe I already am!!)
Kevin was sweeter than I thought he would be about the whole thing, but I could tell he was getting frustrated with me since I haven't been in the best of moods today! If I am not in a good mood, he gets in a bad mood, I guess he doesn't think anyone deserves to throw a private pity party, so then I kinda get mad about him busting in on my private party!! However, it does make me get out of my bad mood because I see how annoying someone in a bad mood can be!!!
Well, I don't want to leave on a negative note, so I will say that the last few days my phone was acting crazy and finally died this morning, so Kevin and I went to Best Buy after I got back to the Dr. appointment and Harry's and I got a cool new phone. It is green and has a built in MP3 player! We also got some slate tile at Home Depot to put down on the hearth for our fireplace Kevin built! I guess that will be a weekend project for a later time, tomorrow we are going up the the 'rents to help finish their floors. I am also super glad Mom & Dad are home from Uganda!
P.S. Kevin adds that he thinks I write like I am in high school since I said super glad, I guess once you are grown up you are only supposed to be glad not super glad! But, I really am SUPER GLAD, cause I love my mommy!!
The next question is whether we want to try it all over again this next cycle, or take some time off. In a way I really want to do it again right away, but then I don't know if I could really handle all the emotions again so quick. Trying to get pregnant is emotional enough in itself, then you add in the fact that you are paying someone a TON of money to torture you and draw your blood make you drive all over town to different Dr. offices for early morning appointments (in Atlanta traffic, with a gas shortage issue) and you really start thinking you might go crazy!! (Or maybe I already am!!)
Kevin was sweeter than I thought he would be about the whole thing, but I could tell he was getting frustrated with me since I haven't been in the best of moods today! If I am not in a good mood, he gets in a bad mood, I guess he doesn't think anyone deserves to throw a private pity party, so then I kinda get mad about him busting in on my private party!! However, it does make me get out of my bad mood because I see how annoying someone in a bad mood can be!!!
Well, I don't want to leave on a negative note, so I will say that the last few days my phone was acting crazy and finally died this morning, so Kevin and I went to Best Buy after I got back to the Dr. appointment and Harry's and I got a cool new phone. It is green and has a built in MP3 player! We also got some slate tile at Home Depot to put down on the hearth for our fireplace Kevin built! I guess that will be a weekend project for a later time, tomorrow we are going up the the 'rents to help finish their floors. I am also super glad Mom & Dad are home from Uganda!
P.S. Kevin adds that he thinks I write like I am in high school since I said super glad, I guess once you are grown up you are only supposed to be glad not super glad! But, I really am SUPER GLAD, cause I love my mommy!!
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Getting my priorities straight!
So I was completely convicted today (While reading a story from someone else on my brother-in-law's brother's blog-boy is that confusing!) that I have really let this wanting to be a mother thing take over my life. Being a woman of God, and making sure that all I do is in line with what He wants for my life should always be my top priority. I know I have been spending more time, at the Dr., taking shots, talking, blogging, and stressing about this whole "trying to get knocked up" thing than I have spent focusing on my relationship with Christ. I grew up with Christ always being a part of my life, I can't even imagine life w/o Him. I think I tend to lean toward a "casual" relationship with Jesus. I know what an amazing thing he did for me, yet my daily relationship with Him has always been more-"what's up, Thanks for all you do and have done, sorry I messed up-again, please do this or that, love ya." But, just because I was born and raised with a concentration on keeping a relationship with Christ at all times, I (like others I'm sure) will let the things in this life take over my thoughts, my heart, etc. and then I lose focus on what really matters.
Now, don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I will stop blogging about my desire to enter motherhood, I just will be trying to daily remind myself of the saying we were raised on...Jesus, Others, Yourself. If I can keep that in mind, then I know that I am doing exactly what God wants me to do, and everything else will fall into place. I, like all of my sisters I believe, have really always known that I will be a mother someday, and hopefully to a large family. We were a big happy family and I have always wanted that myself. I believe that you should ask for what you want, I know that God knows the perfect answer for everything we ask, and sometimes we aren't listening, or don't want to hear what he says, but I know He always answers. If He has told me no to the family thing, I am most definitely in denial, but I really don't think that's it. I love the verse (I don't remember where it is, but it is in there!!) that talks about the persistent person. It talks about how even someone who isn't good will finally give in if you keep asking, so how much more so will God give to those who He loves and who love Him. (O.K. I scanned through the first few books of the new testament until I found it!! Luke 11:5-13-but the point of the story is that God will give you the Holy Spirit, so maybe that doesn't really work for my point I was trying to make!) But, overall my point is that I still want to be a mother more than anything, but I need to be sure that this desire is put in the right spot-after my desire for God!
Now, don't get me wrong, this doesn't mean I will stop blogging about my desire to enter motherhood, I just will be trying to daily remind myself of the saying we were raised on...Jesus, Others, Yourself. If I can keep that in mind, then I know that I am doing exactly what God wants me to do, and everything else will fall into place. I, like all of my sisters I believe, have really always known that I will be a mother someday, and hopefully to a large family. We were a big happy family and I have always wanted that myself. I believe that you should ask for what you want, I know that God knows the perfect answer for everything we ask, and sometimes we aren't listening, or don't want to hear what he says, but I know He always answers. If He has told me no to the family thing, I am most definitely in denial, but I really don't think that's it. I love the verse (I don't remember where it is, but it is in there!!) that talks about the persistent person. It talks about how even someone who isn't good will finally give in if you keep asking, so how much more so will God give to those who He loves and who love Him. (O.K. I scanned through the first few books of the new testament until I found it!! Luke 11:5-13-but the point of the story is that God will give you the Holy Spirit, so maybe that doesn't really work for my point I was trying to make!) But, overall my point is that I still want to be a mother more than anything, but I need to be sure that this desire is put in the right spot-after my desire for God!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Weekend news...again!!!
Wow, this weekend-and Monday-was a whirlwind! I have been crazy busy, and yet still time is not going by fast enough. Still, Saturday morning seems forever far away, but I am trying to be patient and hopeful and relaxed about it!
I found out last week that a friend of mine finally became a mom!!! She has been through my whole situation, finally decided on adoption and then went through a ton of issues-talk about emotional roller coaster-and now is finally a proud mother of a beautiful baby boy! I am so excited for her and her husband!! Even with all she is going thru, and how busy she is right now, when I emailed her back to congratulate her, she wrote me back to see how I was doing. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life!!
My week & weekend were full of Wedding planning. On Wednesday evening I went to a tasting with a couple at a venue they are interested in. they enjoyed the food and still love the location, but I am not sure if we are completely convinced that this is THE place because of the cost. It is expensive, but all food and most set-up is included, so that is nice (and makes the whole reception food issue really easy!!!)
Friday and Saturday were completely full with a wedding stuff. I was the wedding planner at a wedding where we have known the bride's family since I was a little girl! (The Bride's mother was one of the best Sunday school teachers I ever had!) The couple were so laid back and wanted everything really simple-they didn't even want any formal pictures! I convinced them to take a few, because I know the mothers really wanted some-but the overall event was really laid back!! I left work early on Friday to head up to the rehearsal and to check out the location(I hadn't seen it yet!) It was a beautiful location but a far drive-it was in Canton! (Friday after the rehearsal I had to drive over to Adairsville to my Parent's house before I went home to get something we needed-so I got to bed around 2AM, then was back up early Saturday and up to Canton again with a stop in Woodstock to get the flowers. (Which later we realized they had shorted us the Jr. Bridesmaid's bouquet, but luckily they had included a toss bouquet so we used that instead.) I got to see some family friends at the wedding that I hadn't seen in a million years!! Also a friend from highschool days that I hadn't seen if forever either. It is a small world!
Saturday morning I got to talk to Mom, Dad & Kelsey for a little while, but the connection wasn't working very well so we didn't chat for long, but that was o.k since I really had to get going anyhow to get things set up for the wedding.
Sunday I slept in and then just did some cleaning and rearranging at the house. Kevin had actually swept and mopped the entire house on Saturday so that was nice to have that done! I had wanted to make it up to the Roselawn Festival by 4 because one of my friend's bands was playing, but I forgot about it until it was too late to try to get up there. I hope to make it to the next event so that I am not a total loser for a friend!
Yesterday was CRAZY busy at the office. It felt like it was busier than it had been if forever, but it also might have something to do with the fact that Mom & Dad weren't there-we missed you!! Of course I would rather be with you, than you be with me, because that would mean I was in Africa visiting with Kelsey!!
Over the weekend I had a bit of a breakdown when I was on the phone with Betsy-thanks for loving me and not hating me even though I am a bit crazy right now! I am trying to relax, but this is all really getting to me. I want this to have worked so bad, but I don't want to be too depressed in case it didn't, so I am really at a loss for what I am supposed to be thinking or doing right now as I wait for the results. Kevin is cool as a cucumber, but I guess it is never the same for a guy. Even though I know he would really love it if he didn't have to do his part again-he seriously gets so mad about it!-but he doesn't seem the least bit concerned about whether or not it did! I guess it is good that we aren't both anxious, but in a way it is annoying! Well, I think I have rambled on enough for today!
I found out last week that a friend of mine finally became a mom!!! She has been through my whole situation, finally decided on adoption and then went through a ton of issues-talk about emotional roller coaster-and now is finally a proud mother of a beautiful baby boy! I am so excited for her and her husband!! Even with all she is going thru, and how busy she is right now, when I emailed her back to congratulate her, she wrote me back to see how I was doing. I am so blessed to have so many wonderful people in my life!!
My week & weekend were full of Wedding planning. On Wednesday evening I went to a tasting with a couple at a venue they are interested in. they enjoyed the food and still love the location, but I am not sure if we are completely convinced that this is THE place because of the cost. It is expensive, but all food and most set-up is included, so that is nice (and makes the whole reception food issue really easy!!!)
Friday and Saturday were completely full with a wedding stuff. I was the wedding planner at a wedding where we have known the bride's family since I was a little girl! (The Bride's mother was one of the best Sunday school teachers I ever had!) The couple were so laid back and wanted everything really simple-they didn't even want any formal pictures! I convinced them to take a few, because I know the mothers really wanted some-but the overall event was really laid back!! I left work early on Friday to head up to the rehearsal and to check out the location(I hadn't seen it yet!) It was a beautiful location but a far drive-it was in Canton! (Friday after the rehearsal I had to drive over to Adairsville to my Parent's house before I went home to get something we needed-so I got to bed around 2AM, then was back up early Saturday and up to Canton again with a stop in Woodstock to get the flowers. (Which later we realized they had shorted us the Jr. Bridesmaid's bouquet, but luckily they had included a toss bouquet so we used that instead.) I got to see some family friends at the wedding that I hadn't seen in a million years!! Also a friend from highschool days that I hadn't seen if forever either. It is a small world!
Saturday morning I got to talk to Mom, Dad & Kelsey for a little while, but the connection wasn't working very well so we didn't chat for long, but that was o.k since I really had to get going anyhow to get things set up for the wedding.
Sunday I slept in and then just did some cleaning and rearranging at the house. Kevin had actually swept and mopped the entire house on Saturday so that was nice to have that done! I had wanted to make it up to the Roselawn Festival by 4 because one of my friend's bands was playing, but I forgot about it until it was too late to try to get up there. I hope to make it to the next event so that I am not a total loser for a friend!
Yesterday was CRAZY busy at the office. It felt like it was busier than it had been if forever, but it also might have something to do with the fact that Mom & Dad weren't there-we missed you!! Of course I would rather be with you, than you be with me, because that would mean I was in Africa visiting with Kelsey!!
Over the weekend I had a bit of a breakdown when I was on the phone with Betsy-thanks for loving me and not hating me even though I am a bit crazy right now! I am trying to relax, but this is all really getting to me. I want this to have worked so bad, but I don't want to be too depressed in case it didn't, so I am really at a loss for what I am supposed to be thinking or doing right now as I wait for the results. Kevin is cool as a cucumber, but I guess it is never the same for a guy. Even though I know he would really love it if he didn't have to do his part again-he seriously gets so mad about it!-but he doesn't seem the least bit concerned about whether or not it did! I guess it is good that we aren't both anxious, but in a way it is annoying! Well, I think I have rambled on enough for today!
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Wicked tickets!!
No, I am not trying to sound British by saying the tickets I got are wicked awesome-even though they are! Mom & I have tickets for Wicked!! The show will be here in Atlanta (at the Fox) next month!! I am soooo excited!! When I heard they were coming to town we talked about getting tickets, but then didn't get it done, so I was so glad there were still seats available when I looked online yesterday and I ordered two for mom & I. (Just the cheapest one's I could find, and still this is going to be an expensive date, but totally worth it!!)
Also.....I found out a couple day's ago, when I had to call my nurse about something else, that I don't have to go in tomorrow for the progesterone level test. Since my level was so low last time they already have me taking some progesterone, so I will just go in for the pregnancy test next Saturday(9/27). It is nice that I don't have to spend the money for the extra test, but now I won't know anything until the 27th. That seems like such a long wait from now. However, this week is almost over, this weekend will be busy with a wedding I am helping with, and then next week is work as usual & we will be getting mom & dad at the airport on Thursday, so hopefully there will be enough to keep me occupied so I don't go crazy waiting for the results!! Keep praying!!!
Also.....I found out a couple day's ago, when I had to call my nurse about something else, that I don't have to go in tomorrow for the progesterone level test. Since my level was so low last time they already have me taking some progesterone, so I will just go in for the pregnancy test next Saturday(9/27). It is nice that I don't have to spend the money for the extra test, but now I won't know anything until the 27th. That seems like such a long wait from now. However, this week is almost over, this weekend will be busy with a wedding I am helping with, and then next week is work as usual & we will be getting mom & dad at the airport on Thursday, so hopefully there will be enough to keep me occupied so I don't go crazy waiting for the results!! Keep praying!!!
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Happy Birthday Kelsey!!!
Happy 23rd Birthday Kelsey!!
I wish I could be there to wish you a happy birthday in person, but this will have to do! I know you will have a great birthday since you will be getting mom & dad from the airport today! Y'all have a blast and take lots of pictures!!!
I wish I could be there to wish you a happy birthday in person, but this will have to do! I know you will have a great birthday since you will be getting mom & dad from the airport today! Y'all have a blast and take lots of pictures!!!
Monday, September 15, 2008
Update on the weekend happenings...
So here I am writing about the weekend again. I would have written earlier, I have a lot to say, but I was exhausted after the busy weekend. I will give the basic day to day breakdown of what has happened since I wrote last.
Thursday: Took my last shot of Follistem for this cycle and went shopping with my neighbor for all the things we would need to start the BOO's in our neighborhood. (I had never seen this before we moved into this neighborhood-but it is so cute-you put together a litte gift bag/basket of fall/halloween stuff and drop it off at a neighbor's house w/o letting them see you. In it is also instructions to do the same thing and a sign to put on their door that they have been BOO'd. The goal is to hopefully have everyone in the neighborhood get a gift before Halloween.
Friday: I took my HCG shot (which is what is supposed to make me ovulate) on Friday morning around 11AM at work. I ended up with an allergic reaction to something in the shot and a fairly large area around where I took the shot was red and really sore and eventually it itched. It is doing much better this morning and so all is well that ends well. (I hope I do get pregnant on this one so that I don't have to take it again, but I did ask the Dr. about it and she said that they could give me a different one so that hopefully it wouldn't give me that reaction again next time if we have to try this again.) Honestly I don't really remember what else I did on Friday, besides I did watch the season finale of Monk & Psych.
Saturday: We had an early start this morning with a trip over to the Perimeter office for our Dr. and Kevin had his appointment at 8:45 to give his sample. (He had a high count last time, but was record breaking this time with 101 million, they need at least 5 million-surely this is going to work!!!) Then we went over to the mall to get Kevin some Chick-fil-a for breakfast and walk around a bit because I was due back at 10:45. We went back a little early and they were actually able to get me right in and do the IUI. After we were finished (around 11AM) we drove back home and got ready for Shannon and Nick's Wedding (Kevin's cousin). We got the the ceremony site around 1:30 and Kevin & I sat upstairs in the choir loft so he could get some good pictures. After the ceremony we got yelled at by someone in the church because I guess you aren't supposed to take pictures from up there or something. Aren't we rebels!! The reception was at another Catholic church in Marietta that also has a school. I think we were in the school part or youth bldg or something. The wedding was beautiful and I got to dance to YMCA, The Chicken Dance, and The Electric Slide so all the main things were covered! On the way home from the wedding we stopped at a car show that was at the corner of Barrett Pkwy & Dallas Hwy to visit with Doyle & Cecile (Kevin's grandma Micki's good friends) and their daughter & her husband & son because they have cars that they put in the show and we got to look at some really neat old cars.
Sunday: We got some work done around the house, but it is still like a war zone it is such a mess, and I worked on the BOO baskets with my neighbor-we start out with 12 baskets that they neighborhood social committee does so that hopefully enough people participate and everyone gets boo'd. I did some paint touch-up in the living room while Kevin started building a base to go at the bottom of our fireplace to cover up all the wires that are running through the wall most of the way through the house, but we couldn't run through the fireplace. Currently it is just flat-we are building up a box and I think we will tile it with slate and also use slate when we finally get to the kitchen floors and backsplash it will all work well together!!
Well, my weekend doesn't seem as busy when you type it all out as it felt while it was happening, but I was tired as well, I guess because even though I know I am feeling everyone's prayers I am still a little stressed about the whole situation. I am REALLY REALLY hoping that this works this time!! Thanks to everyone who did pray & please don't forget about me over the next two weeks. I start taking some progesterone tonight (I will take it every night) and then go in to check my levels on Friday morning, if it is high enough that will be a good sign and I will go in again the next Saturday (9/27) to take the pregnancy test!!
Thursday: Took my last shot of Follistem for this cycle and went shopping with my neighbor for all the things we would need to start the BOO's in our neighborhood. (I had never seen this before we moved into this neighborhood-but it is so cute-you put together a litte gift bag/basket of fall/halloween stuff and drop it off at a neighbor's house w/o letting them see you. In it is also instructions to do the same thing and a sign to put on their door that they have been BOO'd. The goal is to hopefully have everyone in the neighborhood get a gift before Halloween.
Friday: I took my HCG shot (which is what is supposed to make me ovulate) on Friday morning around 11AM at work. I ended up with an allergic reaction to something in the shot and a fairly large area around where I took the shot was red and really sore and eventually it itched. It is doing much better this morning and so all is well that ends well. (I hope I do get pregnant on this one so that I don't have to take it again, but I did ask the Dr. about it and she said that they could give me a different one so that hopefully it wouldn't give me that reaction again next time if we have to try this again.) Honestly I don't really remember what else I did on Friday, besides I did watch the season finale of Monk & Psych.
Saturday: We had an early start this morning with a trip over to the Perimeter office for our Dr. and Kevin had his appointment at 8:45 to give his sample. (He had a high count last time, but was record breaking this time with 101 million, they need at least 5 million-surely this is going to work!!!) Then we went over to the mall to get Kevin some Chick-fil-a for breakfast and walk around a bit because I was due back at 10:45. We went back a little early and they were actually able to get me right in and do the IUI. After we were finished (around 11AM) we drove back home and got ready for Shannon and Nick's Wedding (Kevin's cousin). We got the the ceremony site around 1:30 and Kevin & I sat upstairs in the choir loft so he could get some good pictures. After the ceremony we got yelled at by someone in the church because I guess you aren't supposed to take pictures from up there or something. Aren't we rebels!! The reception was at another Catholic church in Marietta that also has a school. I think we were in the school part or youth bldg or something. The wedding was beautiful and I got to dance to YMCA, The Chicken Dance, and The Electric Slide so all the main things were covered! On the way home from the wedding we stopped at a car show that was at the corner of Barrett Pkwy & Dallas Hwy to visit with Doyle & Cecile (Kevin's grandma Micki's good friends) and their daughter & her husband & son because they have cars that they put in the show and we got to look at some really neat old cars.
Sunday: We got some work done around the house, but it is still like a war zone it is such a mess, and I worked on the BOO baskets with my neighbor-we start out with 12 baskets that they neighborhood social committee does so that hopefully enough people participate and everyone gets boo'd. I did some paint touch-up in the living room while Kevin started building a base to go at the bottom of our fireplace to cover up all the wires that are running through the wall most of the way through the house, but we couldn't run through the fireplace. Currently it is just flat-we are building up a box and I think we will tile it with slate and also use slate when we finally get to the kitchen floors and backsplash it will all work well together!!
Well, my weekend doesn't seem as busy when you type it all out as it felt while it was happening, but I was tired as well, I guess because even though I know I am feeling everyone's prayers I am still a little stressed about the whole situation. I am REALLY REALLY hoping that this works this time!! Thanks to everyone who did pray & please don't forget about me over the next two weeks. I start taking some progesterone tonight (I will take it every night) and then go in to check my levels on Friday morning, if it is high enough that will be a good sign and I will go in again the next Saturday (9/27) to take the pregnancy test!!
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Got the call
So I think I had some prayers coming my way because I was able to get out of my "funk" and get some work done today and not be too depressed. I finally got the call from the Dr. office a few minutes ago and they said that my Progesterone level is still low (good thing) and my Estrogen level is over 200 (good thing) so I am supposed to take the Follistim shot one more time tonight (in the hopes that the egg will grow) and then take the HCG shot (the one that will make me ovulate) tomorrow around 11AM. Saturday we will go in at 8:45 & 10:45AM to do the IUI and then if I remember correctly from last time they will start me on another hormone or something to take for a few weeks (something that is supposed to help with the lining or something like that) and tell me to take a pregnancy test in two weeks.
So here we are....I could REALLY use everyone's prayers for the next few days-and probably weeks because I will be going crazy-wondering if it worked, yet trying not to get my hopes up too high incase it doesn't!!
So here we are....I could REALLY use everyone's prayers for the next few days-and probably weeks because I will be going crazy-wondering if it worked, yet trying not to get my hopes up too high incase it doesn't!!
Latest Dr. appt.
I am amazed at the difference a few moments can make. A few words, a little picture and from that you can moved to excitement like never before-or crushed and sent into a depression that you can't really control or explain. Sadly, at this exact moment I am in the later category. At the Dr this morning they said my lining looked good, but the follicles are not where they wanted them to be (one at 16 the other at 18), so until I hear back this afternoon about what the blood work determined I am afraid I am a bit depressed. I wanted good news, and now I am just feeling like this isn't going to work again! I will try to distract myself with work and post again after I get the word from the Dr. about my blood work.
Tuesday, September 9, 2008
This mornings Dr. Appt...
So I spoke to mom, Kevin, my boss, pretty much everyone about how I think these drugs are getting to me because all I really want to do is curl up in bed with a good book and not think about anything else. Every little thing seems to upset me, or frustrate me and I am used to being a go with the flow, "whatever," it's all good kind of gal. Kevin thinks it is all in my head-his usual response to anything I say is wrong with me, mom believed me, David (my boss) said it sounds like I am already pregnant to him and he feels sorry for Kevin if that is how I will be for 9 months, and Scott (a co-worker) said he would just stay out of my way! The joys of the journey to motherhood!
However, today I am all smiles (although I still get frustrated VERY easily) I am so happy today after my Dr. appt because my lining has improved since Sunday and two follicles (eggs) have grown. One is at 13 and another at 15 and I need one at around 24 I think before it is ready, so after they get my blood work back they are supposed to call me this afternoon and let me know if I need to keep the same dosage or not, and when I need to come back in to see if we are ready for the shot that will make me ovulate or not! (O.K. so I got the call and they said my estrogen level went up to 172, still not where it needs to be, but improving, so I am due back Thursday morning to check it all again!) I am really feeling SOOOOOO encouraged today! I really believe this is going to work! Of course I don't want to get on too much of a high in case it doesn't work again, but this cycle is going so much better than the one I did with the specialist with Clomed, and the three I did with my regular OBGYN using Clomed.
I actually got the pictures from the ultrasound when I was at the Dr. of my lining and follicles so I think I will try to post them, it is kinda cool! The human body is such an amazing thing and the process that our bodies go through each month is mind blowing. You start you cycle in your teens and live with it for ten years without ever really understanding it all! I don't know if I am the only one or not, but before this happened to me (infertility) I never really put a lot of thought into how the whole process works, and I got to tell you it is a miracle when everything works out perfectly to create a baby!
(Note: I couldn't figure out how to get the picture posted because the scanner at work is a pdf file and you can't upload that to this blog so sorry, no picture unless I figure out another way to get it posted!)
However, today I am all smiles (although I still get frustrated VERY easily) I am so happy today after my Dr. appt because my lining has improved since Sunday and two follicles (eggs) have grown. One is at 13 and another at 15 and I need one at around 24 I think before it is ready, so after they get my blood work back they are supposed to call me this afternoon and let me know if I need to keep the same dosage or not, and when I need to come back in to see if we are ready for the shot that will make me ovulate or not! (O.K. so I got the call and they said my estrogen level went up to 172, still not where it needs to be, but improving, so I am due back Thursday morning to check it all again!) I am really feeling SOOOOOO encouraged today! I really believe this is going to work! Of course I don't want to get on too much of a high in case it doesn't work again, but this cycle is going so much better than the one I did with the specialist with Clomed, and the three I did with my regular OBGYN using Clomed.
I actually got the pictures from the ultrasound when I was at the Dr. of my lining and follicles so I think I will try to post them, it is kinda cool! The human body is such an amazing thing and the process that our bodies go through each month is mind blowing. You start you cycle in your teens and live with it for ten years without ever really understanding it all! I don't know if I am the only one or not, but before this happened to me (infertility) I never really put a lot of thought into how the whole process works, and I got to tell you it is a miracle when everything works out perfectly to create a baby!
(Note: I couldn't figure out how to get the picture posted because the scanner at work is a pdf file and you can't upload that to this blog so sorry, no picture unless I figure out another way to get it posted!)
Monday, September 8, 2008
Shots update & overview of our weekend
So I guess I spoke(blogged) too soon. Every shot since that very first one has hurt and almost all have bled. So there goes the idea of this being super easy. Betsy, really, you are an amazing woman to have been able to do this several times a day for years!!! I will be glad when I finally get pregnant and don't have to do it anymore!!
Now for the update: I went to the Doctor on Sunday morning and they did an ultrasound and took my blood to check my Estrogen levels. The u/s didn't look very promising, but when they got my blood work back they said my estrogen levels had risen, so I am due back in tomorrow (Tuesday) morning to do the u/s and blood work again and see if we need to raise the dosage I am taking, or if we are good! I am really excited!!
Now for the rest of my weekend...We didn't have any plans and I was talking to mom about maybe trying to get to the Yellow Daisy Festival, but really the main thing I wanted to do was clean the house and get to my Dr. appt. However, Kev & I ended up spending most of the weekend up at mom & dad's installing their hardwood floor. (I guess Kev & I now have a side job of installing hardwood floors!! Actually, I don't know how people do that sort of manual labor all the time. I hurt all over!!) Dad was supposed to have someone installing the wood for them, which is why we didn't get started on the job when we were up at my parents house visiting with Betsy and the boys last weekend, but they couldn't figure out how to make it work so they gave up. They were some young kids who I guess only ever installed regular nail down style hardwood floors and not the floating style. So my house is still dirty and I didn't go shopping-most likely a good thing-I don't have the money to shop or the space to put anything!- but all we have left to do at mom and dad's house is putting down the quarter round and transition boards. Dad has them on order, so I guess we will try to do that when they get back from Uganda depending on when the boards come in. We actually still need a few transition boards for our living room and I desperately need to clean and then I really will try to get pictures up! I think both rooms turned out great!
Sunday really turned out to be a great day. I got to talk to all my sisters at one point or another on Sunday and I also spoke to Grandma & Grandpa B. I got the good news from the Dr. that something is working right since at least my Estrogen level is going up, and got to spend the afternoon/evening with some of my favorite people in the world! So even though I was tired, sore, and a little grumpy from lack of sleep, I think it was a great day! (We got home from mom & dad's close to 1AM on Sat night/Sun morning and I had to get up to go to the Dr. at 6:30-o.k. I realize all you parents out there will think that I am a bit of a baby and what am I thinking since that sounds like over 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep-but we are not parents yet and I am used to getting 7 hours a night or more if possible-Am I really ready for this whole becoming a parent thing is yet to be determined, but I think I am!?!)
Now for the update: I went to the Doctor on Sunday morning and they did an ultrasound and took my blood to check my Estrogen levels. The u/s didn't look very promising, but when they got my blood work back they said my estrogen levels had risen, so I am due back in tomorrow (Tuesday) morning to do the u/s and blood work again and see if we need to raise the dosage I am taking, or if we are good! I am really excited!!
Now for the rest of my weekend...We didn't have any plans and I was talking to mom about maybe trying to get to the Yellow Daisy Festival, but really the main thing I wanted to do was clean the house and get to my Dr. appt. However, Kev & I ended up spending most of the weekend up at mom & dad's installing their hardwood floor. (I guess Kev & I now have a side job of installing hardwood floors!! Actually, I don't know how people do that sort of manual labor all the time. I hurt all over!!) Dad was supposed to have someone installing the wood for them, which is why we didn't get started on the job when we were up at my parents house visiting with Betsy and the boys last weekend, but they couldn't figure out how to make it work so they gave up. They were some young kids who I guess only ever installed regular nail down style hardwood floors and not the floating style. So my house is still dirty and I didn't go shopping-most likely a good thing-I don't have the money to shop or the space to put anything!- but all we have left to do at mom and dad's house is putting down the quarter round and transition boards. Dad has them on order, so I guess we will try to do that when they get back from Uganda depending on when the boards come in. We actually still need a few transition boards for our living room and I desperately need to clean and then I really will try to get pictures up! I think both rooms turned out great!
Sunday really turned out to be a great day. I got to talk to all my sisters at one point or another on Sunday and I also spoke to Grandma & Grandpa B. I got the good news from the Dr. that something is working right since at least my Estrogen level is going up, and got to spend the afternoon/evening with some of my favorite people in the world! So even though I was tired, sore, and a little grumpy from lack of sleep, I think it was a great day! (We got home from mom & dad's close to 1AM on Sat night/Sun morning and I had to get up to go to the Dr. at 6:30-o.k. I realize all you parents out there will think that I am a bit of a baby and what am I thinking since that sounds like over 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep-but we are not parents yet and I am used to getting 7 hours a night or more if possible-Am I really ready for this whole becoming a parent thing is yet to be determined, but I think I am!?!)
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
I took my first shot last night!!
So.....I will be honest, I was a little nervous about taking my first shot. Growing up with a diabetic in the house I am used to being around needles, but I never had to give MYSELF the shot so I knew this was going to be different. In fact, I have always hated having my finger pricked and blood taken at the Dr. (However-I am constantly getting my blood drawn now-so I think I am over that!!) So leading up to the event I was confidant (or at felt that I was) about the entire process. As it got closer I began to get worried that when I went to actually stick myself with this needle I might loose the nerve. (By the way, Kevin said he would in NO WAY be able to help me with this-he HATES needles.)
So after yesterday's Dr. appointment I tried to ignore the thought that I will eventually have to go home and give myself the shot. Since you are supposed to try to take the shot around the same time every evening I went ahead and did the shot at 8PM when I got home, because that is a common time-frame for me to make it home in the evenings. After putting the little pen together (The shot I have to take everyday is in this cool pen that holds the cartridge of medicine and you just stick in a needle at the top for each shot and twist the bottom of the pen to move the scale to the desired amount that you need and then stick yourself and push in the bottom of the pen until it is back to zero!-The shot I have to take later is a bit more complicated, but I only do that one once!) I had to clean a little area of skin with an alcohol swab (I think Betsy only did that the first few years, later she got really laid back about the whole thing and now she is on the pump) pinch up some fat (I take the shot on my stomach-so no problems finding fat there, a few years ago it would have been hard to find any fat there, but now there is plenty!) and stick myself.
At that moment, right before contact between the needle and my skin I panicked just a little-What am I doing? Why am I intentionally poking myself with a needle? AHHHHHH!-but then I relaxed, stuck it in and pushed in the medicine. I am on the lowest dose they give right now, so it only took a second and I pulled it out. I don't think I even really felt it. WHAT A RELIEF!! A little while after the injection site was a little red and I was sore, but overall a SUPER EASY process and I felt silly for worrying about it at all!
Now, it is the next afternoon and I still feel a little sore in that area of my stomach so I guess I will just kinda choose a new little spot everyday and work my way across my stomach so that one area doesn't get too sore. The actual taking of the shot wasn't hard or painful, but now that I know I will be sore afterward I am still a little nervous about doing this for a long period of time. (Betsy I have a whole new respect for you!!) Hopefully I only have to do this one cycle!!
So after yesterday's Dr. appointment I tried to ignore the thought that I will eventually have to go home and give myself the shot. Since you are supposed to try to take the shot around the same time every evening I went ahead and did the shot at 8PM when I got home, because that is a common time-frame for me to make it home in the evenings. After putting the little pen together (The shot I have to take everyday is in this cool pen that holds the cartridge of medicine and you just stick in a needle at the top for each shot and twist the bottom of the pen to move the scale to the desired amount that you need and then stick yourself and push in the bottom of the pen until it is back to zero!-The shot I have to take later is a bit more complicated, but I only do that one once!) I had to clean a little area of skin with an alcohol swab (I think Betsy only did that the first few years, later she got really laid back about the whole thing and now she is on the pump) pinch up some fat (I take the shot on my stomach-so no problems finding fat there, a few years ago it would have been hard to find any fat there, but now there is plenty!) and stick myself.
At that moment, right before contact between the needle and my skin I panicked just a little-What am I doing? Why am I intentionally poking myself with a needle? AHHHHHH!-but then I relaxed, stuck it in and pushed in the medicine. I am on the lowest dose they give right now, so it only took a second and I pulled it out. I don't think I even really felt it. WHAT A RELIEF!! A little while after the injection site was a little red and I was sore, but overall a SUPER EASY process and I felt silly for worrying about it at all!
Now, it is the next afternoon and I still feel a little sore in that area of my stomach so I guess I will just kinda choose a new little spot everyday and work my way across my stomach so that one area doesn't get too sore. The actual taking of the shot wasn't hard or painful, but now that I know I will be sore afterward I am still a little nervous about doing this for a long period of time. (Betsy I have a whole new respect for you!!) Hopefully I only have to do this one cycle!!
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Went to the Dr. this morning...
So I finally started my cycle over the weekend and went to the Dr. for an Ultra Sound and blood work this morning. They said I am good to go to start the shots today...well actually they have to call me later today after the blood work gets back to let me know for sure, but it looks like all is good! I am so excited about this, I really hope it works, especially since I have already seen a HUGE increase in the amount of everything that they are doing this time. The meds, the tests, everything seems to have gone up in price, so please pray that this works this time, and although I am not sure if I really mean this, in a way I am hoping for twins-you know us Binkley's we like to get our money's worth!!
We had a great weekend, got to visit with Betsy and the boys, Kevin's family, talk to Mary in TX, and talk to Kelsey twice on Skype! We also finally got the floors finished (well actually we still need two transition boards) so all I need to do now is clean and find something to hold all our dvd's (We have over 500-I know I have a problem-I need a DVD buyer's annonymous group). As soon as that is done I will get a picture of our new and improved living room and post it!!
We had a great weekend, got to visit with Betsy and the boys, Kevin's family, talk to Mary in TX, and talk to Kelsey twice on Skype! We also finally got the floors finished (well actually we still need two transition boards) so all I need to do now is clean and find something to hold all our dvd's (We have over 500-I know I have a problem-I need a DVD buyer's annonymous group). As soon as that is done I will get a picture of our new and improved living room and post it!!
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