Thursday, October 28, 2010

Emotional Me

Another week has gone by without a chance to catch you up on my daily happenings here in Emileeville.

Life continues to stay busy, and I am sorry to say I haven't been great about getting pictures and details to share with you.

The wedding on Saturday was for a wonderful couple with the sweetest families. There theme was starry night with Midnight blue and silver.

The wedding cake was actually blue velvet cake (yes, I sad BLUE velvet...such a fun idea to make it blend in with the color theme-too bad I didn't get a picture of the inside!) The groom's cake was a Coca Cola themed cheesecake since that is his thing. I always love to see what a couple does for the groom's cake!

Sunday was a sew day with the AtlMQG...of course I was lame and didn't get any pictures! I did a little bit of work on my Halloween wonky log cabin blocks that I started forever ago, but most of my time was spent working on another block for the Georgia Textile Museum quilt we are working on as a group. Here is a link to two of the other blocks I made. I ended up making five blocks for this project, but we took one of them out in the end...the pale yellow just didn't go with the rest of the blocks. I am really excited to see how this turns out...I think it is going to look great!

I have spent a few minutes working on a few sewing projects as well, nothing finished to show, but a few in progress.

Here is a moving blanket that I saw had a rip in it and discovered an amazing quilt underneath! (Now to decide how to fix it and use it!)

And here is the back for the tye-dye project I did awhile back. Now I just need to decide how to quilt it. I am thinking this would be the perfect size for a sewing machine cover.

The weather has been rainy and overcast every day this work week...(maybe that is why I am emotional-rainy weather can do that) but the good news is I think we needed the rain and it has made all the beautiful fall colors and bright green that is left on the trees and in the grass really shine through. This makes the commute to and from work beautiful each day!

I have had some highs and low emotionally these last few days-well, this whole month really. Although I wouldn't consider myself a very emotional person, I have been feeling pretty emotional lately. I find myself nearing tears more often than ever before. (Which means AT ALL, since I normally don't cry about anything except sappy commercials or a good movie!)

I am wondering if I can blame it on the fact that I am so past the point of being ready to join the league of mothers! I think the stress of being who I am, and realizing I can't just imagine this infertility problem away is trying to get me down.

I want to be that perfect little stay at home, crafting, singing, all around amazing mother and domestic diva...instead I am still the infertile working woman-pulling in overtime at one job (although being distracted the whole time), while taking on another job on the weekends, and volunteering to do anything and everything someone asks...can we see a pattern of trying to fill a void here?!? (However, don't think that I am complaining about my work or activities I love what I do (especially wedding planning) and although it means I don't have a weekend, it is so worth it! I absolutely LOVE it!! And I like being a part of things, so taking on a million and one projects isn't horrible either...I just want to be doing them with a baby happily attached to my hip in a super cute carrier.)

Obviously, my ideas of mother-hood are becoming a bit delusional. Although you couldn't tell it from what I have said so far I do realize that being a mother isn't all smiles and cooing and cuddling. I know becoming a mother isn't going to magically take all my worries away and transport me to a world of rainbows and butterflies...yet then again, it does change you into someone you weren't before, and you can't ever go back. There are the wonderful moments when you know that little person you love more than you can say, loves you back unconditionally. You can see hope in their eyes and are excited (and scared) beyond belief that you get to help this little person develop. You wonder what it is they will do with their future, who will they become? Will they fly to the moon as an astronaut, or share their passions with kids as a teacher? Will they build amazing skyscrapers as an architect, or build a loving home for their own children with their spouse?

I know that these wonderful moments are only part of the package...the other half is the many sleepless nights from baby cries to teenage/adult worries & tears that need comforted, the constant pressure of expenses from feeding, caring, clothing, educating, and entertaining their young bodies and minds, the hours upon hours spent praying for the strength to carry on after hard days of the "terrible two's tantrums" or "I don't need your help" announcements, when all you want is to hold them close and call them your baby forever...well would you listen to I am dealing with emotions of letting my little ones fly to coop, when I don't even have any chicks to raise yet.



emotional me.

Ok already, enough with the sadness...let's take this to a happier place!

I know that someday I will get the chance to be a mother, I believe it. I just really hope it is sooner rather than later. Patience is not one of my best virtues and I feel like I have been waiting such a long time already.

Whew...that feels good to get that off my chest. Sorry you had to be my sounding board.

Or maybe you were smart and just browsed this post and looked all the pretty pictures...probably something I would do! That way you just get the fun parts!

Either way, thanks for stopping by and I hope you have had a wonderful week so far.


Carrie said...

Aw Emilee. You are going to be just the BEST mom! I can't wait to see it happen!
Isaiah 30:18
Yet the LORD longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the LORD is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!
And another good quote I heard this past week though I can't remember who it is from:
God is less concerned with time than He is timing.

Anonymous said...

You are going to make a wonderful mother... and I believe with you that it will happen sooner than later.. love you, mom

The Unlikely Homeschooler said...

We continue to pray for you Em. I look forward to seeing God's plan unfold for your future and the joy that it will bring. Until then, we will be praying for the Great comforter to fill you with His peace.

Andy's Bethy said...

Oh sissy. This post has been sitting, open and half read on my desktop for two days. I got as far as the ripped quilt and Andy called me away and I never got back to reading it until right this minute.
You should hear your nephews talk about "your baby" of someday. They know without doubt that you will be a mother, and are eager to be involved. I hate that you are having to wait, but I know that as long as you let Him, God will give you both peace and grace. "His grace is sufficient."
I love you sweetheart. I am ready and waiting, and so very eager. She (or he) is coming.

Andi said...

Emilee, I don't think you are silly or sad. I think you're pretty normal. Have I ever told you about my history before Aaron was born? This, too, was an issue heavy on our hearts. Aaron is considered a 'miracle baby', since I was told repeatedly that the chances of my getting pregnant were zero to none (after years of trying). I had the brain surgery in September 2008 and that's when they said based on my hormone levels that I shouldn't hold out hope that it would ever happen. And then I was pregnant after the first try, not even two months later. God had a plan. I almost gave up hope, but he had a plan. God has a plan for you, too. I will certainly keep you in my prayers!