Friday, May 21, 2010

Something is not right...

Something's very wrong!

(I used to love reading Madeline books, I even remember watching a Madeline cartoon that had this song at one point, I think the nun sings/says it when Madeline is sick in the night or something, that comes into my head every time I think/say "something is not right!")

I am not normally an emotional person.

Just ask anyone who knows me, and they will tell you. I am pretty much happy all the time, and I don't really get emotional about anything. (Except Hallmark and Publix holiday commercials, those things bring tears to my eyes every time!!)

Along with the fact that I don't really get emotional about things, if I do get upset about something, I am over it in about 0.2 seconds and forget about the entire matter in another 3.

So lately, my tendency to get overwhelmed/frustrated/annoyed is getting to me.

What is my deal?

I am like a ticking time bomb at work, and

every

little

thing


annoys the heck out of me.

I feel like I am constantly overwhelmed.

This morning on my way into work I nearly cried, and after getting there I had a minor melt-down (luckily it was witnessed only by my dad) because of a simple matter.

I don't like being that girl who is so easily annoyed/angry. The only thing that used to annoy me (and more in a funny ha ha that's annoying kind of way) was when other people were so easily upset!

As I was thinking about this a bit more today here is what I came up with...

I think it is all finally getting to me:

So I have IC...no big deal...change my diet, deal with the issues, laugh it off or just ignore it whenever possible...

Still happy-go-lucky me!

So I have PCOS...no big deal...spend a ton of money, while exposing myself to more people than anyone should, have everyone you know pray for you, just try forgetting all about it for awhile and living life to the fullest...

Still happy-go-lucky me!

Fill my schedule WAY TOO FULL, have a few bad days (IC-wise), come to the realization that although we are over 4 years into this reality, I am still no closer to being able to do to what every women naturally is supposed to be able to do (I am pretty much a failure as a women!), and you get...

Overwhelmed-easily annoyed-tired all the time me!



I want the happy-go-lucky me back!

I miss her.

8 comments:

Kathleen said...

I hope you find her soon!

Andy's Bethy said...

It's okay to be upset for a time. Don't let it take over, and don't let it be an obsession, but you don't have to be happy-go-lucky constantly. You are allowed to mourn for lost time, for lost innocence, for crushed expectations. You are allowed.
There is a lot going on in the Binkley world right now. I think a few tears are called for. Mine won't come. Feel free to spill a few for me.
No matter what, we stick together. Okay?!
I love you Emilee Hope. Seriously, you have no idea.

MILLYROUX said...

Sweet Emilee!

Oh how I used to love Madeline books too! I think she had appendicitis in the middle of the night onetime when the nun said, "Something's not quite right!" I thought about this funny book too when I went to the hospital to get my appendix out! Made me laugh in the middle of all that pain!

It's okay to be emotional sometimes. God knows your emotions and your feelings. He has felt them too. He really has.

You're not a failure as a woman! :( Why did God first create woman? To be a helper and partner. Kevin loves you and you are a wonderful wife and partner. Why did God create anyone of us? To Glorify him. You are a wonderful child of God and He loves you!

Don't lose Hope on your children. In one way or another you will have them. :) Never loose Hope.

Your open heart and honesty are beautiful. :)

Anonymous said...

It's going to all work out... you will be back to "you" in no time and in the meantime we will continue to pray and hope for what we all know is possible...love you my girl....momma

Carrie said...

I feel your pain. Not your specific problems though I am so sorry you are dealing with all that junk... but I feel your pain on wanting "yourself" back. :(

Mandi said...

Em, You don't always have to be happy-go-lucky. You wouldn't be human if nothing ever got to you. Thank you for being honest, Emilee. I am praying that the Lord will specifically comfort you and bring you joy, and that He will show you that you are complete in Him.

Thank you for being a blessing in my life.

I love you.
~Amanda

The Unlikely Homeschooler said...

Saying a prayer for peace in your storm!!

Monica said...

I'm sending you a big hug. You're strong. You CAN do it.

All of it.