What is going on? (Warning: Details are not for everyone)

This is the section you will want to skip if you don't want details about my Dr. appt:

So my Dr. appt. this morning was same old same old. I have the appointment schedule down....
Get called in, go back and get your arm stuck to draw some blood, then they send you to a room to empty your bladder, get nekked from the waist down, and wait on a table for the Dr. to come in. You lay back in that horribly uncomfortable spread eagle position and the Dr. pushes a cold stick in you and pokes around to see what is going on in your overies. (Men, you really have it lucky! Although most of the time we women only have to do this once a year-it doesn't get easier the more you do it!!) I had a new Dr. this morning, he was actually really gentle compared to some I have had! I believe I have seen EVERYONE that works there now. (I have only seen "my doctor" in the examination room once!)

O.K. here is where you can start reading:

Now to the results...So it doesn't appear from the ultra sound that I am responding to the increased dosage of medicine. I won't know for sure until they call me this afternoon with my blood work results-to see if my estrogen level has gone up at all. But, for now, it really isn't looking good. I am really not surprised. I will never claim any knowledge of the human body besides the basic instinct you have about what is going on inside of you. I knew nothing was going on, because I haven't felt any different. (Just like I KNEW my back was broken in the car accident, I was telling them-my arm and back are broken, they have to run all these x-ray's etc. to be sure.) You just KNOW what is going on in your body-again only to a degree, I understand why they have to do all the tests because some things have the same symtoms, but very different cures. Like all that I went through when we were just finding out about my IC-that was an emotional, stressful, uncomfortable time as well!!

I guess if my E level has gone up then I will just keep taking the same amount for a few more days and they will see me back in the office again early next week, if not they will increase the dosage again and see me in next week. Which, by the way, I spoke too soon about being a pro at the whole shot thing. Last night it hurt the entire time! I am used to it hurting when I first poke it in, but normally it is fine once it breaks the skin and I start putting in the meds. I spoke to the nurse who was drawing my blood today about it and she said I may have been too close to nerve or something, becuase that can be really painful.

Wow, sometimes when I say something like that, complaining about a little shot that hurt, I wonder if I am really ready for this whole pregnancy and birth thing-but can you ever really be ready for that? Of course, I always say I handle the big things well, it is the little things that bother me. I have always been accident prone and have spent most of my life with something broken, or bruised or some new burn/scrape/scar on my body, so I am used to being hurt. However, when I stub my toe I think I am going to die-and mom always said contractions are like stubbing your toe-except of course worse and in a different area-so what am I thinking!! Here I am paying out the wasoo to have all these doctors poke me with needles and such as they try to get me pregnant so that I can then get fat and uncomfortable (pregnant) go through the worst pain in my life (birth) and now for the rest of my life have someone who is totally & completely dependent upon me for survival! I have got to say that every mother in the world sounds like a HERO and WONDER WOMAN right now. How do you do it, and why do I want to do it so badly? What is it inside of you that yearns for this with all of your being, even though when you think about it-it is like a POW camp in your own home?

Well, I am really negative today-normally I am always looking at the bright side! (Kevin normally takes care of the whole "negative outlook" in our marriage!) I guess that is what happens sometimes, I just don't normally have a place to right it down. Actually, now that it is off my chest I am feeling much better. I am remembering all the joys of life again and the sweet and wonderful moments that make any and all pain worthwhile! Without pain, would joy be so sweet?

Pictures

Here are some pictures from our dinner out on Saturday when we were up in Indy for the weekend!

Oh the joys of hormones

So, it appears my body is not responding to the Follistim this time. I have been taking the 50 unit dose since last Thursday and although my lining is looking nice, no eggs are growing and my Estrogen level hasn't gone up at all. (I guess I should have known since I haven't been out of temper or anything!!) So they said to up the dosage to 75 units and I am due back in again on Thursday. So now the question is how much more Follistim do I want to order? I just got in a 300 unit pen insert today, but that will only last 4 days now that I am taking 75 units, so I guess I will need to order more, especially since they charge for shipping when it is done on the weekends, so I will want more in before then!!

Well, I was tagged twice so here goes...

Goal: Answer questions with one word answers...is that possible???

1. Where is your cell phone?
Purse

2. Where is your significant other?
work

3. Your hair color?
brownish (sadly-I wish I could still say dirty blond, but I think it is official, I have poo colored hair!!)

4. Your mother?
Clone (well, I am her clone)

5. Your father?
thinker

6. Your favorite thing?
Everything (I know that is a cop out, but really how could I answer that question with a one word answer?)

7. Your dream last night?
forgotten

8. Your dream/goal?
motherhood (for this moment, I have a ton of dreams, but this is the most urgent on the list!)

9. The room you're in?
office (at work)

10. Your hobby?
impracticality (ha ha, I had to put that down because I tried making up a single word that would describe all artistic avenues and this was one of the words it gave me as to what I was trying to say-since it wasn't a real word that I had typed!-I have too many hobbies, sleeping, movie watching, any type of artistic craft, traveling (or dreaming of it), wedding planning, home improvement, etc, etc)

11. Your fear?
unknown

12. Where do you want to be in 6 years?
anywhere (as long as I am happy)

13. Where were you last night?
bed

14. What you're not?
pregnant

15. One of your wish-list items?
pregnancy

16. Where you grew up?
America

17. The last thing you did?
this

18. What are you wearing?
clothing

19. Your TV?
big

20. Your pet?
none

21. Your computer?
slow

22. Your mood?
good

23. Missing someone?
no (of course I miss anyone I love that I am not around at the moment, but I know I will see them again sometime, so I am not really a "missing someone" type of person)

24. Your car?
dirty

25. Something you're not wearing?
glasses (even though I always wanted to have them, I have been cursed/blessed with fabulous eyesight!)

26. Favorite store?
SuperTarget (I know that is two words, but it is one store, regular Target isn't the same thing!)

27. Your summer?
short

28. Love someone?
yes

29. Your favorite color?
many (I don't have just one, I love red/white/blue together-I think because I was born so near the 4th of July, I love all the colors of Fall, I like to wear white, black, & gray shirts with bluejeans)

30. When is the last time you laughed?
yesterday

31. Last time you cried?
shower (when my pregnancy test was negative)

On the road again!

I couldn't start another blog with the word "weekend" in it, because that is how every other one of my blogs starts!!! But, this is going to be all about our weekend!!!

Kevin and I drove up to Indy with mom & dad to visit G&G Binkley. It was basically 2 days in the car for 1 day of visiting, but it was a good trip overall. We left around 1 or so on Friday (after I got some meds delivered for this months baby-making try) and got in around 9:30. With all the time spent in the car I got in some good reading time (I am currently reading an Elizabeth Aston book, I love that author!!) and visiting with mom. We also made good use of my Nintedo DS and played "Are you smarter than a fifth grader." (Most of the time-with all four of us working together- we were, but sadly not everytime-some of those questions are hard!!) Since I am on my daily shots again, I actually took my shot in the car, I think I am becoming a pro at this whole thing! (But it does still hurt pretty much every time-no fun!!)

Saturday we just hung out with the grandparents & ran up to Whole Foods and Target. We were putting together the family calendar for next year and needed to get some pictures copied & Kevin needed something for his ear. (It was clogged up again, he has had that problem twice in the last year, I think it is from his bluetooth ear piece! It was so disgusting I almost threw up when he was talking about it, and mom thought it was cool! Kevin wonders how I am going to handle changing diapers if ear gunk grosses me out, but I think ear gunk is way worse for some reason. Ears & belly buttons have always grossed me out!) Saturday evening we met up with Dave (my dad's brother) and his wife Agie, and Steve (my mom's brother) and his wife Cheryl as well as Sarah (my cousin-Steve & Cheryl's daughter) and her husband Colin for dinner. It was a cool Italian restaurant with a fun atmosphere, I can't remember the name of it now, but I had never heard of it before. It was great being able to catch up with everyone. I love my family!

Sunday morning Kevin and I slept in while mom & dad went to the early service with G&G and then we loaded up the car and were on the road before 11AM. The trip home seemed to take forever, perhaps because we had just been in the car for forever on Friday, but again we talked, read, played more games, etc. and it wasn't so bad overall!! I was home in time for my shot on Sunday and I spent the rest of the night reading more of my book. (I should be able to finish it soon and pass it on to you mom!)

Now it is Monday and back to work! Fun times!! I didn't really want to get up and going this morning, something about Monday's) I go in for a Dr. appointment tomorrow so we will see what happens with that. I decided I would stick with what the Dr. said and I am only doing the 50 per shot, but I think I might add on more myself if we only have one or two slowly growing again! I will most likely write about how it all goes tomorrow!

More needles!!!

So all is go to start the shots again this month. I spoke to the Dr. about upping the dosage to see if that would get better results, and she said she was all for it until she saw my ovaries. I guess since I have so many follicles (eggs) in there (just none that grow) she doesn't want to risk getting too many because then they wouldn't do the IUI and wouldn't want Kevin and I to do it with out protection because you could get 4+ eggs growing and end up with "Emilee & Kevin plus Seven!!" I want a baby, and I could totally go for twins, or at least I think I could, but I don't know if I would ever recover something like that!! Plus, I may not have to order more of the Follistem this cycle if we don't up it, so what to do??? I think I will try the 50 like they told me to do, but if we aren't getting the results I want I will up it on my own! Oh, maybe I will just up it anyhow! I don't know, I don't want to waste this cycle by getting too many follicles growing, but I don't want to not get enough either!!! Well, I guess we will see what happens tonight. I am due back to the Dr. again on Tuesday (10/7) of next week, so I will know more then!

Here we go again....

So I started yesterday evening! (Nearly on time, I guess these drugs are getting me on a regular schedule at least, so that must mean something!) I have a Dr. appointment set up for tomorrow morning so that they can check me out and make sure all is go for another try this cycle. I have really been feeling ill all day. I have never really had bad cramping or been irritable when Aunt Flow comes to visit, but I am feeling her anger this time. I have been uncomfortable since yesterday and it has put me in a bad mood, so sorry for anyone who had to spend time with me, I know I wasn't very pleasant company! Hopefully I will feel better tomorrow, but again-if feeling like this means my cycle is getting more normal and I will maybe actually get pregers this time that will be A-OK with me. We are hoping I have enough Follistem left so that I don't have to order more of that. (Hopefully so because that was like seven or eight hundred dollars right there!) However, I do wonder if I want to insist on ordering more since we only had 2 eggs that responded last time and I don't think they ever really got big enough-my theory on why it didn't work last time! But, I don't want to spend the extra $$ if I don't have to either! I guess we will see what happens after the Dr. appt. in the morning!